I was sexually and physically abused as a kid, and raped in my early 20s.
I have been seeing a great therapist for the last five years, and I am processing things and feeling better than I ever have.
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It sucks, and I fucking hate the people who victimized you.
But it may help you feel a little better about having to make an investment in someone before becoming intimate—which really isn't the worst thing in the world—if you can remind yourself that you aren't alone.
The answer—how you go home with someone without panicking—is so obvious, SCARED, that I'm guessing your therapist has already suggested it: Have sex with someone you know and trust.
You didn't have any issues having sex with your ex because you knew and trusted him.
I found out that for the past few months he has been sexting and almost definitely hooking up with someone who I said I was not comfortable with.