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We've come a long way since I failed my first test because I ran over the bloke with the red flag walking in front of the car.

Today's drivers must be prepared for dopey birds in headphones wandering into the middle of the road while updating their status on social media. lol')Where's the advice on how to deal with demented, self-righteous, Lycra-clad cyclists with cameras on their helmets, banging on your roof and screaming about the polar bears, before mounting the pavement and knocking down a few pedestrians?

Drivers should be tested on the correct speed at which to negotiate moonscape-sized potholes and Alpine-scale traffic humps, without ripping off their exhaust pipes.

In case you ever wondered where our £13 billion in overseas aid ends up, look no further.

In future, they will have to show they can follow GPS directions on their dashboards — presumably, without ending up the wrong way down a one-way street, or in the nearest river.