When you’re in a relationship or have decided that you’re dating someone, you can’t just pick and choose when you feel like showing up and participating.You can’t just switch the relationship off or down, or decide to switch off your emotions when you feel like it. You show up, often willing to do the work of the both of you (overcompensating and being a blame absorber is never a good move) and end up getting a kick in the teeth for occasional ‘good times’. They’re a joint venture and that’s only going to be decided and developed by making some initial decisions.
Problems arise for instance, when we take stage 4 declarations seriously from someone who we’ve only been introduced to via a dating site (stage 0) or when we have ‘forever’ feelings and expectations for that person. It also shows a lack of comprehension for what a relationship takes – action with time and experience.
I hear from so many people who have gone ‘all the way’, so stage 3-4 despite only being truly based at stage 1 or 2 and there being feedback from the interaction that’s indicative of commitment issues.
You both build from the ground up and progress – you don’t just expect to manifest the relationship you want out of your imagination.
You’re dating an amazing guy, and while things are going well, you’re a bit confused. When you’re together, it’s like you can conquer the world as a pair. He seems to retreat into his tough turtle shell, leaving you standing there with your heart on your sleeve. You’ve been so careful about not coming on too strong.
In choosing to show up, you are creating something between you and a partner – you’re building a relationship. Sometimes we’re too caught up in putting a roof on something that doesn’t even have a foundation and a structure to rest it upon. PS I recently guested on my local community radio station and the recording is available just in time for some weekend listening.